I've had some very meaningful coffee dates since September.
Starting in the early days when weekly, a friend would come to sit with me, sometimes out on the porch, sometimes inside on the couch. We'd sit, and talk, and cry, and be angry. And those moments were so important for not only my healing, but our friendship too.
This friend connected me to another local angel mom. After a few weeks of email exchanging, we decided to meet for coffee. I was nervous about it. Rich joked that it was like I was going on a first date. For some reason I worried it would be awkward. Like we'd have nothing to talk about. All we really knew about each other was that we had each lost a baby. My loss so recent, and hers years ago. But unsurprisingly, none of that seemed to matter that afternoon. A quick coffee turned into a couple of hours. And I felt like I had known her forever.
Such is the connection between two people who have experienced such an intense loss.
And somehow, before I knew it, this kind of connection -- the connection with people who know -- has become so special and important to me.
So much so that when the opportunity to attend a retreat for bereaved mothers of babies and young children presented itself, I had to find a way to make it happen. So I made arrangements and I registered. And for the first time in quite some time I feel like I have something tangible to look forward to. In June I'll be attending Landon's Legacy Retreat just outside Winnipeg, Manitoba. Where I'll meet 23 other moms and their lost little ones, learn ways to relax, destress, and find calm, work with people who have my same experiences, find inspiration in their stories and the legacies they're building for their babies, and generally spend 5 whole days talking about, thinking about, celebrating, and spending time with my Ryan without anything else to worry about.
It's such a great gift to give myself after such a crazy time in my life.
Now I just need June to get here!