As Long as I'm Living
  • Welcome
  • My Story
  • Gratitude
  • Blog

A Place for My Heart

I feel inspired to share my heart.
I hope it helps others feel less alone on their own journeys.
Follow me here or on Instagram.
My Instagram

CYG Day 11: Creative Heartwork

10/11/2016

0 Comments

 
To be honest, the last few days my whole heart has not been really in this. It's actually been off in two completely different directions lately. One piece of it invested totally in Ryan and spending this month with him. And the other piece focused on his baby brother. A baby who I'm trying to be so optimistic for this month as we prepare to hopefully bring him home.

The point of "Capture Your Grief" is to bring some awareness into what grieving the loss of a baby looks like. And wow, does it ever get complicated when you're grieving one lost baby and hoping for the one on the way.

But my mother heart won't let me stop this. Writing. Reflecting. If Ryan was here, I wouldn't stop caring for him just because I am preparing for his sibling. And that's kind of how it feels for me. But sometimes, to focus so much on Ryan, makes me more afraid for his brother. And to focus only on his brother, makes me feel so guilty. 

The fact of the matter is, my heart will always be in two places. And this is just another way I'm learning how to be a mother of two. 

I guess I'm kind of apologizing if recently these posts have seemed half-hearted. I'm still working on the realities of doing double-duty, and Baby Brother isn't even here yet. But anyway... Today I'm supposed to be talking about the creative things I've done to honour, remember, and memorialize Ryan. Or maybe even taking on a new project. Well, I definitely don't have it in me to take on something new at this moment. But in the past year, I've done so many things, big and small, that tap into some bit of my creativity. 

Most recently, for his first birthday, I had a book put together. I called it "Ryan's First Year" and I filled the pages with photos and bits of my writing to try to capture how we journeyed together over his first year "on the outside." From his birth announcement, first holidays, every milestone month, and even those creative projects I was just mentioning. It's something as a mother that you imagine doing for your child, keeping track of the memories for them. And I wanted to be able to do the same for Ryan. Even though it ends up being more for me. (But doesn't it for all moms?) 

That's what "Creative Heartwork" means to me. It's doing little things for him, that help heal my heart a little. And hopefully over these next few weeks I'll find some inspiration for a little creative heartwork to help me through the confusion with which I've been struggling.
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All
    Advice
    Capture Your Grief
    Community
    Events
    Faith
    Good Deeds
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Guilt
    Healing
    Holidays
    Honouring Baby
    Joy
    May We All Heal
    Milestones
    Motherhood
    Music
    Parenting After Loss
    Pregnancy After Loss
    Quotes
    Rainbow Baby
    Self-Care
    Signs
    Stress

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Welcome
  • My Story
  • Gratitude
  • Blog