CYG Day 20: Gratitude

I love that today the focus is on gratitude. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I had promised myself to focus a bit on what was good in my life. Last November I started writing publicly about my feelings through my own little Gratitude Challenge. It didn't fix anything. But it was helpful to refocus myself. And for a few moments a day at least, I forced myself out of my darkness.

Today I'm not in the same kind of darkness. In fact, I seem to be standing in a lot of light right now. But there is something I'm particularly grateful for these past few days.

I'm so grateful for every person who has acknowledged Ryan since Brayden was born. Whether it was in recognizing or congratulating him as a big brother, or in checking in with me to see how I'm feeling emotionally since bringing Brayden home, that kind of thoughtfulness has gone a long way for me. Because as wonderful and relieving as it's been to have Brayden here, I do sometimes wander into wondering "what if" and wishing he was here. Which is a very complicated thing to wish.

So, thank you to the people who understand the complexity of a rainbow. He is the most beautiful part of my world and I love him with a fierceness I never thought possible, but he just can't erase that storm.