Today more than most days I am reminded that there is no timeline to grief. And anyone who says you have to give yourself “time to grieve” or that the cycle of grief has an ending, is buying into those myths we tell ourselves in order to help us find a way through our darkest days.
Today, Ryan would have been 13 months old. And I think leading up to his first birthday last month I had been telling myself that the first year would be the hardest. I didn’t give much thought to what happens after that.
Well, apparently, I keep missing him. It’s not like he turned one and magically my heart was healed. No. I woke up this morning and I instantly registered that it’s the 7th of the month and therefore today is a significant day. The 7th of the month will always hold this significance.
The word grief means to feel great sorrow. I will always feel great sorrow that he’s not here. And so I will always grieve.
Today, I’m here to dispel the myth that grief is a linear line, and we follow the path until we reach the end.
No. Grief is not linear. I will grieve harder on some days than others. I will feel his absence more on some days than others. Some days I will feel uplifted by the little signs of him. Some days they will make me sad. I will always look at my family and see the missing piece. See what others can’t.
Grief is not a clearly defined path. There are many detours and loops. And on his 13th month milestone I will hold that knowledge close to my heart and remember that just because that imaginary line of the first year has passed, doesn’t mean I have to start missing him any less.
I could never do that.