Half a Year Without You

Today has weighed on my mind and heart for some time. There's so much talk in grief about all of the milestones in the first year. Year one always seems to be the most significant. Everything is still so fresh and raw.

And now, here we are, 6 months without you. Half way through that first year. I want to celebrate you. Knowing your sweet face for 6 whole months! I want to celebrate how far we've come in this time. 6 months ago I couldn't imagine this place I'm in now. I could barely imagine 5 minutes in the future. Let alone being here. Standing stronger, 6 months in.

But every celebration of you almost always comes with its little bit of sadness. How can it be that it's been 6 months since I saw your face and held you in my arms?

I've cried twice today. That's it! 6 months ago, I couldn't stop the tears. And now, I can count how many times I've cried. Ironically, the thought of not crying all day long now brings me to tears.

I know this means I'm healing. But I still miss you. Every. Single. Day.

We've marked every milestone so far in little ways. Special cemetery visits. Snuggles with your bear. And yesterday, I knew it was time for our first photo together. Not having our faces together in a photo has hurt my heart so badly since we got home from the hospital. So your dad and I fixed it yesterday, as best we could. We celebrated your 6 month milestone as together as we can be.

I will continue to try my best to always do right by you, sweet boy.

6 months down, and a lifetime to go.