Happy 5 Months, Sweet Boy

My thoughts are so scattered today. Torn between celebrating 5 months of knowing your sweet face, and aching for living 5 months without seeing it grow and change every day.

A visit to the cemetery this morning ended in tears. I cried that I wish I could know how you'd look today. If you'd still be so much your dad, or if shadows of me would be creeping into your face. 

At this point in my pregnancy, the 5 month mark, we were just finding out that the squirming life inside me was definitely a baby boy. We headed straight to buy you something cute. And of course, we ended up buying the sweetest jogging suit -- adorned with baseballs.

Today, we would have dressed you up in footballs, no doubt. Excited to bring you to your first Super Bowl party. But that's not today's reality. We'll still go, of course. And we bring you in our hearts. But oh how I wish so hard that I was bringing you in my arms instead.

I wish so much for you. Stay near me, sweet boy. I love you forever and always.