Today was kind of a big deal in my world. I've been back to work "full-time" since January 4, but my duties there were pretty limited. As a teacher, returning full-time with only 3 weeks left in the semester, it didn't make sense for me to take over other classes. So instead, I filled in when needed, did a little one-on-one tutoring and exam prep with a few students, and most just prepped for second semester. It was a very nice ease-in to being back to work for full days. I did a lot of figuring out how to "keep my head in the game" instead of doing the wandering it likes to do these days.
Well, second semester began today, and I must say I was pretty anxious getting out of bed this morning. There was a big part of me that felt like I was doing this for the first time all over again -- that's how new I feel to myself sometimes.
But there was also this other part of me -- the little bit of the old me -- who was ready. Beyond ready. I had basically spent 3 weeks planning for today and the days to come. If you know me, you know I shouldn't be left alone for too long with a calendar and a job to do. Because when I walked into that school today, the anxious part of me left, and I felt a lot like the old me.
I just did what I do. And I didn't have to think twice about it. It was nice to not second-guess myself. To just dive into something I'm good at. Something familiar. Not like this uncharted territory I deal with through my grief and my unorthodox-motherhood.
I'm riding a pretty big high right now after yesterday's good news, and now today's work successes. It feels good to feel good. And Heaven knows I deserve a little feeling good in my life. It's as simple as that.