Quiet

I wasn't planning on writing today I came to the cemetery just to get out of the house. We're going on day 5 with Rich gone and conveniently day 5 of Brayden going through some kind of miserable phase where his sleep sucks, he's refusing to eat foods he once devoured, and he's not happy on the ground or in my arms really. But he's happy when we're out and about. So I guess I am here at the cemetery today visiting one baby to get a bit of a break from my other one. As terrible as that might sound for a loss mom to say. Sorry to anyone who that might hurt.

And though the break from the crying is nice, I got a sad surprise when I got here. All of Ryan's butterflies we've left in the public garden next to his grave have been removed. And I don't even know how long they've been gone. I haven't been here since the 7th and it makes my heart sad to see his little spot without anything. Like no one visits.

So now I'm not sure if I feel better or worse.

But the quiet has been nice.