March 1 has always been my unofficial start of Spring. There's something about flipping that calendar from February that makes me finally feel like we're out of the winter months, even though we really have about 20 more days to go until "real Spring" hits. And up until about 12 hours ago, it looked a lot like Spring outside. The snow had melted. The grass was greening. Birds were singing.
And I was reminded of time passing.
I have now managed my way through 2 seasons without Ryan. I watched the leaves turn and fall away. I watched the cold set in and the snow come down. And now, we get ready to welcome a new season. Spring.
I can't help but think of the walks we'd be taking, The cute new Spring outfits I wouldn't resist buying. Weekends spent digging in the garden (Me more than him, I hope. Though we did have a great time gardening together last Spring with him safely inside me). Mild afternoons on the front porch waiting for Rich (dad) to get home.
Two seasons have passed, which means half a year has gone by. That's a shocking one for me. Knowing his 6 month milestone is just around the corner. It seems so monumental and it's only 6 days away.
Every time a season changes I'm reminded how much time has passed. And I thought time passing was supposed to feel good. Or at least okay. But mostly it just makes me sad. Each passing day takes me a little bit further from the time we had together physically. And although Spring is a time for renewal, and I do hope to feel a sense of renewal, this Spring also comes with some sadness.
My first Spring without him since knowing him.