Something I've been thinking a lot about is how I'm changed. What is different about me? I think the answer lies mostly in how I'll handle what comes next. Because at my core, I'm still me. I still find the same things funny. I still find enjoyment in many of the places I used to. I still talk the same way. Laugh the same. I cry a little bit more. But then I've always been a bit of a crier.
Some of the things that used to seem important, don't seem very important at all now. And though I still want many of the same things I used to want, some of them I now want more fiercely than ever.
"The bumps in the road teach us to be cautious the next time around, show us the depth of our courage and strength, and may even fling us forward onto a life path that we may not have otherwise chosen for ourselves." (Trista Sutter, Happily Ever After)
Losing Ryan has been more than a "bump in the road." But it has changed me, in that it has shown me strength. And brought me to a place where I can easily recognize what is worth fighting for and what I need to let go.
I'm walking down a path now that I never imagined for myself. And it can be scary. And lonely. And confusing. But there is some goodness here. And I'll find it.